BTs: Parasitic spirits. Not to be confused with B.O., B.S. or D.Ts.

CLAM: Nickname for Scientologists based on L. Ron Hubbard's assertion that humans evolved from clams.

CLAMS CASINO: A Scientology gambling joint.

CULT AWARENESS NETWORK: Satan personified. Thanks to the vigilant efforts of Scientology lawyers, this pre-clear power has been liquefied.

DIANETICS: Best selling book by L. Ron Hubbard that formed the foundation for the principles of Scientology. (Not to be confused with diuretics, phonetics or paramedics.)

E-METER: Primitive resistance meter that acts as a lie detector by noting changes of fluid in sweat glands under the skin. Also can be used to detect fluctuations in an individual's stock portfolio, checking account and piggy bank.

ETHICS:....

GANGBANG: 1). Group interrogation of a Scientologist suspected of disloyalty; 2) Method used to deprogram homosexual celebrities and help them locate a suitable wife.

HAT: 1) An assigned job or function within the Scientology organization; 2) a tinfoil head covering said to improve O.T. powers by exuding electromagnetic waves.

M.E.S.T: 1). Matter, Energy, Space and Time: the illusory physical world; 2) Manipulate, Emasculate, Submit, and Terrify: the day-to-day life of a Scientologist.

NARC: Anyone who tries to leak the teachings of Scientology to the media.

NARCONON: A drug rehabilitation program utilized primarily as a "resource bank" for handling deposits of MedicAid.

O.S.A./Office of Special Affairs (formerly named Guardian's Office): Don't ask.

OT/OPERATING THETAN: 1) Spirit that has achieved OT III and is therefore able to act outside the body; 2) The Hebrew Scriptures; 3) When a basketball game is tied at the end of regulation; 4) A thetan that graduated from medical school.

Out-Ethics: 1) A breach of cult discipline (e.g., not obeying one's leaders and failing to produce a positive cash flow into the organization); 2) The decision by leadership to expose the secret lives of male celebrities who want to leave the organization.

SEA-ORG: See O.S.A./Office of Special Affairs

WOG: Anyone who rejects the teachings of Scientology and chooses instead to live in the "Real World (a.k.a. Wog-World)." Note: All practicing Scientologists should ignore Wog-World whenever reality conflicts with the overarching mission of Scientology.